


Something We Should Have Been Doing

by Fira21



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:55:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1405621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fira21/pseuds/Fira21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could see Merlin flitting around the room. Murmuring to this Lord, laughing with that Lady and so on and so forth. In floor length robes and more sure of himself now he was, dare he think it, graceful. A word he had never expected to attach to Merlin’s previously ungainly foal-like self, all knees and elbows and falling all over himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something We Should Have Been Doing

He could see Merlin flitting around the room. Murmuring to this Lord, laughing with that Lady and so on and so forth. In floor length robes and more sure of himself now he was, dare he think it, _graceful_. A word he had never expected to attach to Merlin’s previously ungainly foal-like self, all knees and elbows and falling all over himself.

Now though, he was matured and it was starting to get to Arthur. He had spent most of dinner and the dancing afterwards tracing the outlines of Merlin’s body through the robes and wondered for the millionth time why such form-hiding cloth was necessary. He wondered if he could make a royal decree for clothes to be unnecessary, forbidden even. It wasn’t fair that he had only his imagination to keep him going. The billowing fabric taunting him even as it occasionally shifted to reveal pale skin. It could take some doing but he could find a way. The men likely wouldn’t complain. The women however might have a rather loud protesting stance on it.

Or maybe not considering how one of the ladies was shamelessly _ogling_ Merlin as he made his way back to Arthur’s side. _Where he belonged_.

“Grip that glass any more firmly milord and you’ll find yourself in a right mess.” A hushed voice murmured in his ear even as a soft hand rested on his shoulder. He leaned into the body that had appeared next to him.

“But look at the way she stares at him.” He muttered back furiously.

Gwen giggled. “Just like you have been all night? Relax love. Watch how he comes back to us. To _you_. He is inevitably drawn to you. As he always will be.” He breathed deeply. She was right of course, but still. Wine sloshed on his knuckles and she clucked at him. “Look at him. Look how confident he is, how sure of himself he is. He is what he is meant to be and he is so because of you. He has an air of self-assurance that you have given him. He cares nothing for these pretty little jewelled birds. He sees you, his King and no one else. They ogle because they want that power, that infallible sense of self. None of them realize it is only with true devotion given and received that he has it.” As Merlin finally made his way up to them she kissed his cheek and added a parting shot. “He has not their love of a King, but _your_ love and could want nothing else.” Arthur flushed. Gwen had gotten better at reprimanding him without actually sounding like she was reprimanding him. Every word was a harsh knock to his heart and brain. He knew it, but his courage continually failed him.

Merlin stepped up to them and bowed. “My Lord and Lady.” His tone was formal but he gave them a  roguish grin and wink.

“Merlin.” Gwen said. “How are things tonight?” She asked.

“Well enough. I believe young Roger has gotten a little too far into his cups.” He nodded his head back to where said-boy was flushed and swaying in a corner. His father had apparently already noticed his son’s drunkenness and was trying to surreptitiously feed the boy and give him water before he could make a fool of himself. Or at least he was directing a servant to.

Boy, Arthur thought with a shake of his head, Roger was sixteen. Since when did that constitute as a child? He himself would be twenty-six soon and already he felt thirty. He supposed early kingship had that effect on a man.

Merlin gave off no such appearances. For all his graceful movements, and his authority of Lord Advisor and Chief Sorcerer, he was still as much a child as ever. Proven by his gleeful grin when he added, “And I believe Lord Talon has finally discovered his daughter’s being courted.” And yes, Arthur could see Lord Talon and his daughter Julianna having a furious conversation, again in hushed tones. It was a shame, Julianna was a fiery woman and Lord Talon was terribly fond of his daughter. Unfortunately he also saw her as a bargaining chip. He would have liked to hear her cut him down a peg. “She’s winning by the way.” Merlin added with a sly look in his direction.

He couldn’t announce his approval for the entire court to hear but Merlin got the point when he nodded. It was hard to hold back a snort. Good on the girl. She reminded him a lot of Morgana, or at least, the good points of Morgana. The last he saw of her she was cursing his name and screaming of blood and death and other terrible visions he tried his best not to recall.

“Any other news?” Arthur asked with a pointed look. There had been a reason Merlin had been out playing the crowd instead of sitting at his and Gwen’s side. _Where he belonged!_

Merlin nodded surreptitiously but said no more which confirmed Arthur’s worries. He looked to Gwen who reached over and squeezed his hand. “Not really sire. Everyone is enjoying themselves.” Merlin said to deter eavesdroppers.

“Very well.” Arthur lazily swirled a hand at him. “You may go. Find Lancelot, have fun.” Merlin nodded once more and turned. “Hopefully _they_ don’t get ‘too far into their cups’.” Arthur said to Gwen.

She smiled at him. “They rarely do. Considering the issue at hand I would presume they will keep their wits about them.” Her look turned more serious.

“We’ll cross that when it comes.” Arthur said and Gwen let it drop. She knew all too well the servant’s had very good ears and very loose tongues. Their conversation would have to wait until later.

Later came much later than expected. Arthur had hoped to retire early but Lord Talon had had a glass too many and was proposing a duel to Julianna’s lover which forced Arthur to step in.

“My Lord, as much as I would hate to deny you the right to retribution I would ask you not to challenge one of my knights in my castle.” Considering he’s half your age and you’re drunk, he didn’t add. “If you require Lionel to fight for your daughter’s hand it can be done in the morning and _not_ to the death.” He added firmly seeing Julianna’s fearful look. He didn’t understand what she was so concerned about. That point was added to save Talon’s life, not Lionel’s. He had no doubts Lionel would knock some sense into him and hopefully some posturing out, but he wouldn’t hold his breath.

In any case, by the time he had gotten Talon to agree and they had drawn up the terms and really, when they had stopped _acting like children for Christ’s sake_ , it was far later than he had wanted. When he reached his rooms he was tired and frustrated and he shut his door harder than he had intended.

He saw Gwen, Merlin and Lancelot jump from their position on his bed. They had been tète a tète before that and _hadn’t they looked cozy_ he thought resentfully. His mood came from downstairs however and he knew it, so he kept silent.

Some of it must have gotten through though because Lancelot loosed his cloak and sword belt and sat him down. Merlin was at his feet, pulling off his boots and Gwen was handing him a cup of wine and a plate of sweetmeats. They were acting like... Well, like servants, which two of them weren’t anymore and Lancelot had never been. He gave them an odd look and Merlin shrugged.

“One of the servant girls mentioned what happened downstairs when we asked for the wine.” Gwen told him.

“The sweets were a pre-emptive measure to avoid your rage.” Merlin added, smiling at him to show he was joking. Arthur smiled back and Gwen laughed softly at the pair of them leaning back into Lancelot’s grip.

He then sighed, more comfortable and gestured to them to sit. Time to get to business. They all sobered. “Right. Merlin, what did you learn? Something serious I take it.”

“Yes, the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from the rotten tree.” Merlin scowled. “Bayard is planning war.”

Arthur sighed. Gwen reached for his hand and he gripped it firmly. “I would have thought he would have more sense than his father.” She said.

“Apparently not if his sister’s ladies maid is to be believed and trust me, she’s to be believed. She’s one of ours.” Merlin told her. “It’s Tisha. She was sent there-”

“With the peace treaty group.” Arthur said. Merlin gave him a surprised look. “Believe it or not, I do keep track of my castle Merlin. I don’t leave it all to Gwen.”

“Just most of it.” Lancelot said grinning. Arthur scowled at him. “Either way, this could get serious Arthur. With Bayard planning war and you on the throne only two years-”

“Only two years he says. Like I haven’t proven my worth.” Arthur grumbled.

“We know that and your kingdom knows that.” Gwen said.

“And you could prove yourself a thousand times over again and it won’t matter because to other factions you’re still new.” Lancelot said. “Bayard’s son has been on the throne five years now. Which isn’t much either but it’s still more than you. He’s headstrong, foolhardy and a selfish prig. He’s also greedy which means it probably didn’t take much to convince him that Camelot would make a nice addition to Mercia.”

“The bastard.” Merlin muttered. Arthur snorted and Merlin smiled at him. Gwen nudged him and when he looked at him she gripped his hand. He had no idea what she was trying to tell him and she sighed. She released his hand, then grasped it again and flicked her eyes from him to Merlin, then repeated the process.

She was telling him to grab Merlin’s hand. He must have been crushing her fingers with nerves but she didn’t complain because he had looked to Merlin and reached his hand out. Merlin drew in a breath but clasped it. He felt Gwen let go and turned back to see her settling further into Lancelot’s arms. He caught Lancelot grinning at him and he blushed furiously.

This was ridiculous. “Yes, well.” He coughed. “What are we going to do.”

The mood sobered again.

“Call council.” Lancelot said. “At the moment we’re working on supposition and guesswork. We need to decide whether to act now or wait until Bayard makes his move. If we act we’ll have a surprise element, but if we wait, we’ll have more time and the benefit of him having to fight on our land, giving us the ground advantage.”

“Not necessarily.” Arthur said. “Bayard’s been here for weeks now. He may already have scouts patrolling the land. We can’t presume anything and we certainly must not underestimate him. He’s greedy and stupid but he knows war. He grew up with it.”

“I could just turn him into a toad and we’d be done with it. Then you could have Mercia instead.” Merlin muttered.

Arthur threw his head back and laughed but Lancelot looked thoughtful.

“That’s not a bad idea.” He said and Gwen gave him a horrified look. “Not the toad bit!” He said. “And besides, if we go to war he’s likely to be killed anyways so a toad might be the nicer option.”

“Not with what I’d plan afterwards.” Merlin muttered.

Lancelot ignored him. “I _meant_ giving Arthur the land. Bayard knows war and that’s all he knows. His subjects can’t be happy with him. Arthur would be a welcome change.”

“So instead of warring and letting succession run its course-” Arthur said and Merlin cut him off.

“Taking Mercia instead.” Arthur shot him a look and Merlin just smiled and squeezed his hand. His protests died in his mouth and his head went a little spinny. Merlin’s thumb was tracing patterns on his skin and his hand was hot where it touched him. “It’s really not that bad of an idea.” Merlin said.

His hand was really very distracting but he pulled himself together enough to point out, “It could lead to revolt.”

“Arthur, have you _seen_ his subjects?” Lancelot asked with a pointed look. He knew Arthur had. “The chances of revolt are slim. Even his knights hate him. They shoot us jealous looks every time we spar together. You’re a good King, Arthur and you will be an amazing one. You treat your subjects fairly no matter their standing, you set fair taxes and are lenient when need be. God only knows how but you somehow manage to be tough but fair. You are your father’s son.”

“With some very nice differences.” Merlin added and a candle flickered as he fluttered his fingers of his free hand. “My head’s firmly attached for one.”

“Don’t even joke about that Merlin.” Gwen said. “When I think of how long you lived here being a sorcerer. What could have happened.” She shivered. “Meaning no disrespect sire!” She added with a horrified look. “I didn’t- I mean-”

“I know Gwen.” He murmured. His missed his father dearly, but his view on magic left much to be desired. Merlin was right as well, he still had his head, which was something he was thankful for, no matter how infuriating said-head could be.

Merlin’s fingers tightened around his hand. He wanted to pull that hand up and kiss his knuckles - thank him for his support, but God knew he didn’t have the courage. He settled for gripping his hand hard.

“Either way. They are right.” She said, trying to talk out her nerves as she was prone to do. “You are a wonderful King and everyone loves you and really, I’ve already heard his servant’s muttering they’d poison him themselves if they weren’t so afraid of him and he’s a terrible terrible person but I still think a toad is too much but you’d do a much better job of ruling there than him.” She gasped for breath and Lancelot chuckled. Pulling her close, he kissed her softly to shut her up.

“Well said love. If a little frantically put.” He added grinning. He gently nudged her up and stood himself. “Right now, there’s not much to be done but guess about it which won’t do us any good. You should call council in the morning and we can get started on the actual planning but for now, bed.” He stretched and yawned fiercely. He threw an arm around Gwen’s waist and pulled her close. “Coming?” He asked. Gwen looked to Arthur who nodded. She smiled.

When they left she gave him a very serious and very obvious look before closing the door firmly. He had no doubts to her meaning.

He heard Merlin sigh. He turned back to him. Merlin was giving him a worried look. “What exactly _are_ we going to do Arthur? I stand by what I said, the toad part and the you ruling part but-”

“Exactly what Lancelot said.” He told him. “Tomorrow we’ll call council and worry and fret and plan then. To do that though, we’ll need rest.”

“Bed does sound wonderful right now.” Merlin said.

Arthur had a strange thought that this was where Merlin let go of his hand and got up, leaving for his strange little tower with his bed squeezed in a corner amid his books and potions and general mess.

Merlin didn’t let go though and neither did Arthur. They both sat there as though unsure what to do. To Arthur it was obvious: they get up and go to bed.

It was just everything in between and which bed that his brain was getting stuck on. He coughed.

Merlin jumped slightly. “I- Um- right. So worry about imminent war tomorrow and going to bed tonight.” He said.

Arthur nodded. “Exactly.” He swallowed thickly.

Merlin’s eyes were darting around the room, unable to look him in the eye. His gaze flicked to Arthur’s bed before shooting the other way entirely to rest on the fireplace.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Arthur whispered. He wasn’t aware of wanting to say that before he said it. The words jumped out of his mouth, unbidden and unexpected. It was true but he never meant to-

“Me neither.” Came the reply.

“I- I’m- I’m King.”

“And Gwen’s queen.” Merlin said. “And she’s with Lancelot.” His tone was harsh.

He shook his head. “No. I mean- I can’t- I’m King. If I ask and you don’t- Would you say no?”

Merlin finally looked at him, disbelieving. “I do nothing _but_ tell you no. I tell you you’re stubborn and pig-headed and a prat on a _daily basis_. You think if I didn’t want this I wouldn’t say so?” He asked.

Arthur looked down. “Others-” Because there had been others, those looking to gain favour or those too in awe of his standing to protest. He had never realized until after, how much his power had influenced other’s decisions. How it was very possible that his stream of bed partners may not have been so willing and the thought still made him sick. He still wondered about Gwen sometimes. Their situation was stable and understanding but she could have had love over duty. If Lancelot had returned even a few months earlier than he had... She didn’t, but she had every right to resent him.

“Are not me.” Merlin said firmly. “Arthur, there’s no end to what I would do for you but not because you’re King, because you’re _you_ and I-” He cut off choked. Arthur finally worked up the nerve to look up again. Merlin’s eyes were bright and his face was serious. “I’d do anything for you. Absolutely anything. You’re- You’re everything to me.” He whispered.

Arthur got up slowly, tugging on Merlin’s hand until he followed. Merlin was taller than him, he had somehow forgotten. It made it a little more awkward because he wasn’t used to leaning _up_ but he managed and-

Oh.

By the time he had pulled away, Merlin’s one hand was in his hair, and the other had let go of his hand to reach under his shirt, fingertips leaving burning trails in their wake.

Arthur hands were scrabbling and he was gasping for breath. “I really don’t know what I’m doing.” He murmured, resting his hand on Merlin’s cheek.

Merlin smiled. “Oh I don’t know. I think you’re doing all right so far.” Arthur laughed. “Come to bed with me.” Merlin said and his laughter stopped.

“Merlin-”

Merlin shook his head and pulled away, tugging him towards his bed. “Arthur. Come with me.”

All his arguments, all his denials, everything faded away. He had no reason to say no. Merlin had been the one to ask after all. He swallowed and nodded, Merlin falling to the bed and him following.

Merlin may be taller but he was broader and when he was overtop him he felt as though he was engulfing him. Merlin seemed so small, so fragile beneath him, even more so when he had pulled the robes from him, leaving just a shift. Here, at least, in his bed and with him, he was still ankles and elbows, still his Merlin. He was no longer a strange fey creature flitting through his courtroom enchanting everyone with his smooth movements.

He preferred it. He wanted his Merlin, his strange, awkward, gangly Merlin, elbowing him by accident in his attempt to fully shuck his clothes, poking his sides and scraping his chest trying to get his shirt off, biting his lips raw and licking his teeth with each heated kiss.

They pulled back gasping and Merlin flipped them. “Is this too fast?” Merlin asked. He was nuzzling his neck, leaving sharp nips of teeth along his collarbone.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Arthur said. “Feels-” He stopped. He couldn’t say it.

Merlin dragged one last sucking kiss from him neck before leaning back, looking him in the eyes. “Feels right.” Merlin finished for him.

He nodded. “Feels like coming home.” He said and felt his face heat. It was probably the sappiest thing he had ever said and he would have felt stupid but Merlin’s smile was warm.

The rest of the night was mostly silent. It wasn’t feverish or frantic, it was exactly as Arthur had said. It was like coming home. There was no rush. It was a slow build-up, a culmination of years adding onto each other that had led to this point. Led to Merlin, pushing him back onto his pillows, softly tracing fingers down his chest, his other hand reaching in Arthur’s drawer for salve. Slicking and stretching him open, leaving him gasping, his mouth open in a silent moan choking on air. It wasn’t perfect, it was a little too much too fast but Merlin caught on to that.

Slowing down Merlin murmured _breathe_ in his ear. He felt as though his body was no longer his own, wasn’t even a body anymore, just pleasure and all of it was for Merlin, was Merlin’s. He was Merlin’s and Merlin owned him. Took him and owned him completely. His hands slipped on sweat as he grasped for purchase on Merlin’s back. Trying to pull him closer, trying to get him to _hurry up_. Merlin was too slow now and thorough and it was driving him insane.

Finally he slid into him. Everything he had wanted and had waited for. Everything he had agonized about, reprimanded himself for, talked himself out of. Everything he could have had _ages_ ago if he hadn’t been so afraid, so stupid. Candlelight flickered over Merlin’s body over him, casting shadows on his skin and he appreciated the view for only a moment before pulling Merlin closer, clenching his eyes shut.

“Slow down.” Merlin said, leaning back, and he shook his head.

“Been waiting forever.” He choked out. “I can’t.”

“You can.” Merlin said and Arthur opened his eyes to watch him bite his lip, drawing blood as he tried to take his time. Tried to be slow and Arthur was definitely not helping him by thrusting his hips up. He didn’t _want_ to help, he wanted Merlin inside him, as deep as he could go and then never wanted him to leave.

When Merlin started moving he couldn’t help digging his nails into Merlin’s shoulders. Every pull out left him too empty and yearning. Every push back in left him overfull and choking. Every breath felt like it was dragged out of him and nothing had ever been this good.

For all his intentions it was over too fast and he had blood in his mouth from biting down a cry when he came. He shivered as Merlin moved in him still, afterwards. It was too much to take but he couldn’t-

He didn’t have to. Merlin felt him shudder and pulled out. Arthur batted his hand away when some semblance of sense returned to him, at the very least he could help. It didn’t take much either, a few pulls and Arthur was heaving himself up to kiss Merlin when he starting moaning before coming, leaving Arthur’s hand sticky. He fell back on the bed and wiped his hand on his sheets.

Merlin had followed him and his weight was comforting though slightly suffocating. He shifted him over until he could breathe properly but still feel Merlin’s heat at his side. Merlin just mumbled and nuzzled his head in his shoulder.

“Are we going to talk about this later?” Arthur asked. Not now of course because he couldn’t think, but he felt like there should be some sort of conversation. He had been wrong before though.

“Do we need to?” Merlin mumbled. “Thought we did pretty well without words.”

Arthur snorted. “Merlin.”

Merlin lifted his head and looked at him muzzily. “We had sex. Something we should have been doing for ages. It means I can hold your hand and kiss you when I please, around Gwen and Lancelot at least, and they’ll be happy and we’ll be happy and I don’t think much else matters after that.”

When put that way, Arthur really had to concede the point.

There could be war in the future. No, there would be war in their future. The world could be taking a complete paradigm shift very soon.

But for now Gwen would be happy, Lancelot would be happy, Merlin would be happy and he himself would be happy. It was a rather new experience for him but as Merlin flopped back on top of him he realized it was one he could get used to.

Whatever the future held, he had his friends, he had a _family_ , and he had Merlin. It was enough.


End file.
